Blue Dragon Business Coaching

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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Family Curse?

Most of us seem to have normal families. They are supportive, fun, and genuinely care about our well being. Too often, though, I talk to my friends and they are in the same boat I am. What do you do when you have a family member (or in my case 94% of total family) that is committed and hell bent on ruining their lives with poor life decisions, apathy, or just a negative attitude towards life?

This article is dedicated to everyone that made good choices, grew up into healthy adults, and walked away from the garbage foisted upon them by unloving or uncaring family members. Its not a bitching session, I want to keep it positive. I just want to tell you that you aren't alone. Its more common than you think and you aren't a bad person for feeling that way. How often do we hear this crap:

*Oh its ok, hes always been like that.....

*You know he drinks a lot and is always sorry in the morning....

*You just have to put up with her, shes family.....

*You're not perfect either you know, we all make mistakes.........

I have news for you. Its all garbage. Enabling, lazy garbage. Its completely frustrating to strike out on your own, bust your butt to succeed, work harder than you have ever known and constantly get a "that's nice dear, but let me tell you about my back...................."

Its enough to make me want to scream. Growing up, I didn't really have a good grasp as to the extent of how bad it really was but as I grew into an adult, I started REALLY getting a big picture overview. Here are some gems:

Relative 1: Multiple DUIs, experimented with drugs for decades

Relative 2: 2 statuatory rapes, just got 25-life for conspiracy to commit murder

Relative 3: Dropped so much acid in the 60s, went crazy as an adult. Mindset of a 9 year old at 65.

Relative 4: Alcoholic, Drug use, married a felon who dealt meth out of the house and got sent back to Pelican Bay.

Relative 5: Took daughters to Mexico when they were 15 to marry them off.

Relative 6: Been in prison all over the country, meth addict

The purpose of writing this is to tell you that you are NOT a product of your environment. I have a few good relatives, but for the most part, this is the stupidity I had to encounter and deal with everyday growing up. I get sick of people making excuses for dumb behavior. You're an adult and I have news for you.........

The results of your life are contingent upon the choices you make, the people you associate with, and your overall decision making abilities- Rob Garcia

I left at 18. I had to. There was no other option. And you know what? I started learning, and growing as a person. I still have phone conversations once or twice a year, but once you get away from bad influences, your life starts to shine. It really is that simple.

I surrounded myself with good friends. People I can depend on that are not codependent or overly dramatic. I don't have a ton of them, but they are all very important to me and know they can turn to me for solid advice, or encouragement.

So here's to you. Remember, that if you got out of a bad environment or have a family member that constantly has you saying, "What the hell have they done THIS time?" You aren't alone. Congratulate yourself for being more mature, wanting better things for yourself, and for being strong.


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